Hi! Welcome to my website/blog/whatever this is. Thank you so much for visiting my page! If you're reading this, then it means that I have finally publicly shared the website! (It's been around half a year now). Thank you for being here, I hope you find something you like :) ...
I miss you. I hope you’ve been doing well.
I wish things between us never ended. I wish things could work out, without us having to be apart (is it really that impossible? To grow, while still being together). I wish I’d have the courage to hold on to you, even when everyone was telling me no. Was my vision just wrong? Or was it just that I didn’t hold on strong enough to it from the start.
You know, before it all started going downhill, on a random Monday when I called you up to say we should take a step back, I really thought I could just jump in and make it all work. I found someone that could actually ground me. Make all the voices in my head quiet. Someone that could make me forget everything else that’s going on in the world and in my head and the things I needed to do and the life I needed to achieve… even for just a moment, whenever we're together.
But more than that, I believed that I could provide for you. The timing wasn’t that bad. By the time you finished uni I would be well-established... 2026 is going to be a year of explosion.
I wanted to explore life with you. To work towards a life together. Even if you wanted to build your own business, I could support you (ok maybe not financially, but definitely in other ways. But on a serious note, people take out business loans to run businesses so); we could support each other. To build a future together, and eventually a family together.
The worse part about all of this is finding it in me to forgive myself. Before going in, I think I felt it from God that, no, it's not something I should jump into now. The timing was not right... But I said "no" to God's no. I didn't want to say no to you. And I went in anyway... That was my mistake. And now, look what I've done...
I pray that whatever we went through would not stifle that spirit inside of you. Along the way, casting the times that we had aside, I know you truly experienced God too. I know and knew you could tell the difference (this was also why I keep asking myself, could you not have grown while we were still together?). I love you.
But who you are will not simply change just because of some guy. It’s still in you, and it will always be in you. Even if it’s not with me, please continue to be truly yourself; to be good, and Godly love to others around you.
This is me moving on. Because I know that now is just not the right time. And because I know, us truly moving on will be the healthiest and best way, for even a slither of a chance together in the future. This contradiction and dichotomy is truly something to behold. The older I get, the more I realise that maturing is just accepting and being comfortable with contradictions. Regardless, the hope that we hold on to cannot be in each other, but only in God.
I have a lot of anger in me too, towards the people around me that warned me, that threw so many unnecessary details about you and me and the relationship that we had into the mix. Granted, it wasn't necessarily wrong, but it didn't provide clarity. It caused more confusion, and ultimately, it confused you too, but it was because of my immaturity. Nevertheless, it will be a long journey to finding it in me to forgive myself, and to be okay with losing you.
Haih, trying to think about it from your pov, this guy must be such a fucking asshole. Gave you hope from the start, then when things were going good, just suddenly called up to say we should take a step back. The next few months weren't better either. It was on and off, until ultimately the guy decided to just get closer and fuck everyone and everything else, it all just came crashing down harder than the first time. The guy was probably toxic, giving you mixed signals and confusing you. On and off and shit. You didn't deserve that. You deserve better.
If only that dude had it in him to do what was right from the start. He saw it too. He just didn't have the courage to follow through and say no to you. It's a lesson he has to learn now.
You mean a lot to me. And I don't think you will ever mean less to me, even with time. It's going to be an interesting few years down the road.
Keep moving forward. - Meet The Robinsons
Goodbye, xxx.
Last updated: 30/12/2025.
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Have you ever, in the middle of doing something/being somewhere, suddenly had this thought pop into your head? "How did I get here?" And I don't mean the physical place you're in, directly; but the person you've become. The series of choices and decisions you've either stumbled into or had thrown at you, ...